Interview: Ethan Jewell
Interview by Carson Huffer
Musical poetry artist Ethan Jewell has taken vulnerability to new heights within his latest single “why am I not better”, released on May 6th. I got the incredible opportunity to sit down with Ethan for an exclusive interview to discuss “why am I not better”, the importance of accurate discussions and resources for mental health issues, and what his experience has been like as an artist who started in the at-home era of the COVID-19 pandemic.
As a nineteen year old from Dallas, Texas, Ethan did not always expect to become a music artist. He admits to always loving to write, but he ironically hated poetry for most of his life, citing that he never connected with any poetry he learned about in his literature classes in school. The flip switched on poetry for Ethan when he first heard “Creve Coeur 1” by Hobo Johnson on a drive home from school, which connected with him in a way that he described as “beautiful and emotional”.
“I remember just thinking ‘Wow, I really want to write something like that’ and be able to just convey that much emotion in my writing. So I went home that night and I wrote a song. Writing songs became a healthy way to process my emotions, which I never really had before. As a seventeen year old, I suddenly found a lot of angst and emotions that I had no idea existed within me. The more I wrote, I kept discovering more and more about myself and realized I wasn't as okay as I thought I was, and that’s an okay fact of life to accept. So I just kept on writing and I just haven't stopped writing since, and for whatever reason people have just really latched onto it. It's amazing I've gotten such an incredible outlet to express myself.” - Ethan Jewell, for Tongue Tied Magazine
With such a distinct brand of vulnerability, Ethan has always opened himself up for the world to see within his music. It isn’t always easy being so publicly raw, however, and Ethan had to learn how to manage the fear of releasing new music over time.
“It is terrifying releasing new music, there’s no way around it. It's gotten more scary over time if anything. When I released my first album, I truly expected no one to listen to my music. It was so easy to release music at first because I truly believed no one would ever listen, but then people actually started listening to my first album. When it came time for my next release, I went through the whole process the same way, but I was so nervous for like literal weeks leading up to the release. It's scary enough to go to therapy and talk about your deepest feelings with a professional, but to share your deepest feelings with thousands and thousands of people… it's terrifying, you know? Don't get me wrong, I'm so thankful and it's the biggest blessing that has ever happened to me, but when it first happened I was just so petrified to release new music. Of course now I've seen that the music does have a positive impact on others, and that alone is enough to overpower any negative emotions about new releases, but it's definitely hard to be that vulnerable with that many strangers.” - Ethan Jewell, for Tongue Tied Magazine
With such intense emotions that run the course of Ethan’s music, I was curious what his creative process looks like. He admitted that his creative process is all over the place, but it always comes during times of deep and intense emotion.
“With ‘why am I not better’, it was the middle of the night and I was having a little bit of a breakdown and I just kept saying ‘Why am I not better yet? Like, I’ve been going to therapy for over two years and doing this and doing that, why am I not better?’. That just kept ringing in my head, so I pulled out my notes app on my phone and just let the words flow.” - Ethan Jewell, for Tongue Tied Magazine
Ethan went on to describe that while his full creative process thrives in inconsistency, his songwriting process is a constant. He utilizes his emotions to put himself into a zen-like state as writes, usually finishing songs in 20 minutes within his notes app on his phone. Setting his poetry to music, however, often turns into a much longer process.
“Sometimes I’ll bring a new song in to my producer and we’ll get it on the first try. Other times, it will take months and months of me coming in and not being happy with recordings and scrapping it. My most popular track ‘it’s getting bad again’ was actually one of the hardest to record. It was so frustrating to create because I kept coming in and kept trying to record it and it just didn't feel right. I didn’t even have the words to explain why it didn't feel right to my producer, which was the worst part. It always finally just clicks though, and for ‘it’s getting bad again’, I changed how the piano was played and it just immediately flipped the switch. I recorded the first take with the new piano and my producer and I just looked at each other and just knew like, yeah that's the one.” - Ethan Jewell, for Tongue Tied Magazine
Ethan’s inconsistency allows for his creative genius to shine, and he believes that he likely wouldn’t write the same way if he was more planned out. We both laughed as he admitted that our interview was the most planned out thing on his schedule for the week, and he says that allowing himself to figure life out hour by hour has afforded him a lot of ability to process through his emotions and create his music in the most authentic ways he can.
“I’m all over the place. There is no rhyme or reason during anything, whether it's the songwriting process, the recording process, the cover art shoots, it's all very chaotic and inconsistent. I’m not a very organized person, and I generally have no idea what I'm doing. That's what makes this so fun. I love the inconsistency and the chaos of creating at the end of the day.” - Ethan Jewell, for Tongue Tied Magazine
In both his music and his life, Ethan is a very outspoken mental health advocate, and the second verse of “why am I not better” very specifically speaks to those around him with pleas to stop sending inspirational quotes and their shallow understanding of the experiences of people undergoing mental health issues. With his own experiences of mental illness and his awareness of the struggles of others, Ethan is a firm believer that while our society has made fantastic strides with mental health, we must continue to push forward in a coherent and direct way.
“For my parents, I know that growing up for them, anyone who was struggling with mental health had to really struggle in silence. We see the repercussions of that silent struggle in adults today. In many aspects, we’ve definitely made progress, however I think we are currently heading in the wrong direction. There's a very big romanticism of mental illness currently, and what I mean by that is that people love to talk about the easy to digest parts of mental illness. I myself am very guilty of this in the past. When someone is struggling with, say, depression, people think of the easy to swallow parts of depression. They think things like ‘Oh, they’re sad. They just need to take some deep breaths and go on a walk.’ or ‘Oh, you’re anxious? You just need to splash some water on your face and do some breathing techniques, you’ll be okay.’ Honestly, that's total bullshit. The reality of mental illness is gross and it is brutal and it is sometimes even violent. Depression is not just being sad. It is being so unbelievably heavy that you cannot get out of bed for days at a time, that you don’t shower for a week, that you shun your family and friends. It's the harsh realities of bipolar disorder and people becoming violent with the ones they love, and it's entirely out of their control. It is not easy to talk about and it is definitely not easy to digest, and I think that's why people shy away from it, but if we want genuine progress, we have to face these realities.” - Ethan Jewell, for Tongue Tied Magazine
Ethan wants the conversation around mental health to steer into a new direction and speak more openly about the grittier parts of mental illness. He is very cognizant of the massive strides our society has made in regards to mental health support and awareness, but he is working towards fighting for a more realistic and honest approach to our language in mental health discussions. While he admits the reality of mental illness is harsh and hard to discuss, he is a firm believer in how vital and life saving it is to express the reality of these illnesses.
“There are people who are genuinely struggling with real illnesses and all they are seeing are these cute little infographics with simple concise solutions that are easy to digest. Seeing that, the people who are struggling with the really raw and gross parts of mental illness think ‘Wow, there is something really really wrong with me. I am alone in this’. I've definitely felt that before when I've been really struggling with my own depression. I was seeing little infographics that were things like “Top Ten Things To Do When Struggling With Depression” and I would do all of them and it wouldn’t do shit, and I would immediately think that I am worse off than most people. That is a really isolating feeling. When someone feels that they are alone with mental illness, that is when mental illness becomes deadly. We are further along than any generation before us has been, and that’s amazing, but we have to steer the direction we are going to take a more realistic approach. That's one thing I'm trying to do and will continue to try to do until the day I die. The people who are really struggling need genuine resources past the infographics, and I want to help with that.”- Ethan Jewell, for Tongue Tied Magazine
For Ethan, music has been the single most helpful thing for his mental health, allowing him a way to express his emotions in a healthy way. He recommends that everyone try to write as a way to let out any feelings that have built up, whether it is a put together poem, a list of anything that comes to mind, or even a completely incoherent jumble of words.
“It doesn't have to be pretty, just write down whatever you feel and you think. What writing these songs is doing for me is just giving me a release. These songs help me process what is happening and get it out. Mental health issues get worse if you keep them inside and let it marinate. It’s kind of like when you marinate chicken, you want to leave it for a few hours to let the flavor seep in, but it can’t be marinating for too long because the flavors will just keep building. It's a weird comparison, but when you sit with mental health issues in the same way, they will build up and they will always find a way to release on their own if you won't let them. Having an outlet that is a healthy way to let those feelings out is so crucial, and writing these songs has helped me so much.” - Ethan Jewell, for Tongue Tied Magazine
While writing music is what helps Ethan through his personal mental health issues, he is aware that writing isn’t always the best option for everyone. He is an avid skateboarder, which he says also has helped him as a way to get out of his own head.
“I know it's one of those cliche things, but removing yourself from a place and going somewhere else to move your body is scientifically proven and so helpful. I typically tend to feel worse in the evenings, so pretty much every night between the hours of 8 and 12 I’ll go out and skate. For a while before I started skateboarding, I would go on walks, which also genuinely does help. I know that in the lyrics of ‘why am i not better’ i kind of hate on the idea of walks helping, but they genuinely do. If you can physically move yourself from a situation in which you are feeling mentally ill, it can also really help you move yourself mentally. I’ve recently really been coming to the realization of how much physical activity can help your mental situation, so I'd recommend to anyone to try something new that gets you moving.” - Ethan Jewell, for Tongue Tied Magazine
Moving around has also been something big in Ethan’s life this year as he had the opportunity to go on tour for the first time, an experience he described to me as life-changing.
“I think about it just about every day. I started making music in the age of COVID and everything was online, so tour was my first time on stage in just about any capacity. I had only had a handful of fan interactions before tour, and those alone were so cool to connect with someone who i've impacted, but to be able to actually go on the road and get up on stage and share my art that means the world to me with likeminded people… you could give me the rest of my life to find the words to describe how much that means to me and I’d never be able to do it. I left the stage every single night thinking about how lucky I am to be with so many people who just get what I'm feeling and connect with my music.” - Ethan Jewell, for Tongue Tied Magazine
Ethan still has a fear that his music career could end at any given moment, but he said that being on tour gave him the ability to cope with this insecurity and accept its possibility. His time on stage has given him such incredible memories full of joy and content, and he thinks the strength of that feeling will stay with him long past any fear of his career ending.
“I think that was the peak and I'll spend the rest of my life chasing that feeling again. It’s indescribable, and I can’t wait to do it all again, so people can definitely expect more live music. I really want to make it out to the west coast by the end of this summer, and I specifically want to play in LA, Portland, Seattle, and Vancouver. I also really want to go back to NYC and I want to perform in Dallas again. It doesn’t really feel real, touring was the greatest thing ever.” - Ethan Jewell, for Tongue Tied Magazine
Ethan Jewell is one of the most genuine people I’ve ever spoken with, and I am so excited to see what comes next for such a young and powerful artist. With such strength and vulnerability himself, Ethan really hopes for others to find the confidence to be more open about their emotions, both within themselves and to others.
“To anyone who is reading this, I would say feel your fucking feelings please. If you, like me, have thought for a lot of your life that you don’t need those emotions and you are better off pushing them away and dealing with them later, stop. You either feel them now at their current level, or you feel their festered version in years, which is so much worse. It is a necessity as human beings that we feel our feelings as they come. That doesn’t mean you need to be in a rush or a hurry to feel them all at once, I've been slowly working through my emotions over the past few years. Things only get worse when you let them bubble up. Let yourself feel upset, live through the moment, and then work through how to process them. It is so vital.” - Ethan Jewell, for Tongue Tied Magazine
You can find Ethan’s latest single, ‘why am I not better’, and all of his music on Spotify or Apple Music. Be sure to also follow his journey as an artist on Instagram and Twitter so you don’t miss a minute of Ethan Jewell’s powerful musical poetry.
